#and i am not terribly broken up about that
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Hi @catharsisxf ! Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays, pal (affectionate)! I am not much of a writer (or a visual artist tbh), but I tried to make a few things I thought you'd like based on your secret santa survey answers. My apologies for not being very consistent with the daily well wishes, but I hope these past few weeks have been easier/lighter for you. <3 Gifts for you are under the break...
Gift one:
I made a series of images based on a line from a scene you liked in "The Unnatural" where Mulder is encouraging Scully to forget about her worries and focus on hitting the ball/having fun/enjoying life. I found a manip where they are kissing in that scene and modified it further.
With the quote:
Without any text:
And i also made a terrible picmix version for giggles. The watermark covered the quote cuz I didn't how picmix works. 😅🙃
Gift 2:
I also made you a video based on a Jeff Buckley song, however, Kapwing decided to cockblock me and wouldn't let me download what I created for you. So I had to screen record it. Which means the audio is *TERRIBLE* and the already iffy resolution quality is also not good. So, I apologize again for such a macaroni fridge art ass gift, but I tried, friend. 😬 😓 The video I made:
The song and lyrics that inspired it:
youtube
Lover, You Should've Come Over
Jeff Buckley
Looking out the door I see the rain Fall upon the funeral mourners Parading in a wake of sad relations As their shoes fill up with water
Maybe I'm too young To keep good love from going wrong But tonight you're on my mind So... you'll never know
Broken down and hungry for your love With no way to feed it Where are you tonight? Child, ya know how much I need it
Too young to hold on And too old to just break free and run
Sometimes a man gets carried away When he feels like should be having his fun Much too blind to see the damage he's done Sometimes a man must awake to find that Really he has no one
So I'll wait for you, love And I'll burn Will I ever see your sweet return? Oh, will I ever learn? Oh-oh, lover, you should've come over 'Cause it's not too late
Lonely is the room, the bed is made The open window lets the rain in Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams He had you with him
My body turns And yearns for a sleep that won't ever come It's never over My kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder It's never over All my riches for her smiles When I've slept so soft against her It's never over All my blood for the sweetness of her laughter It's never over She is the tear that hangs inside my soul forever
Oh, but maybe I'm just too young To keep good love from going wrong
Oh-oh-oh, lover You should've come over, yeah, yes Yes, I feel too young to hold on And much too old to break free and run Too deaf, dumb and blind to see the damage I've done Sweet lover, you should've come over
Oh, love, well I've waited for you Lover, lover, lover Lover, love, love, love, love, love, love! Lover, you should've come over 'Cause it's not too late
#poangpresents2024#poangpals#poang pals#txf fanart#txfedit#thexfiles#scully x mulder#msr#stupid shit i made#jeff buckley#catharsisxf#Youtube
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Azel Radwan: Chapter 0
Thank you @caffedrine for providing the video for this chapter!
♡———♡
True love–for me, it’s the worst curse imaginable.
Azel: High Priest… Please… Stop it…
The whip gouges into human flesh, and the screams of my beloved brothers echo.
Blood drips from their torn-off nails, staining the cold floor crimson, forever burned into my eyes, once called mystical.
In this hideous scene, like a compilation of all the nightmares in the world, the powerless God could only cry out until his voice gave out.
Azel: Please, I'll do anything you say.
Azel: It's because I was a bad boy, because I didn't behave.
Azel: I won't ever run away again, so please stop.
Azel: Please, please, please, please…
Clinging to the High Priest’s clothes shamelessly, repeating words like a broken doll.
Being a God worshipped by people sounds nice, but the reality is different.
Head Priest: Living God… I apologize. It’s not that I want to torment you.
The High Priest gently strokes the God’s head with compassion and smiles soothingly.
In this nightmarish landscape, he alone is kind and gentle.
Head Priest: This is also love.
Azel: …Love?
Head Priest: The Living God is a special being. It would be too late if something were to happen.
Head Priest: To ensure your noble self makes no mistakes, I must punish you severely like this.
Head Priest: All of this is because I care for you. Please understand.
The whip cracks again.
My brothers, suspended from the ceiling, gradually lose their life force and become like dolls.
If this is what is called "love" – I am disgusted by its hideousness.
Azel: … I under…stand…
Azel: I understand… so… please stop…
-
Matias: Do you guys know the trending romance novel in Acroite lately?
The three kingdom's princes gather regularly, changing locations, and occasionally engage in small talk.
The content of their conversations varies from day to day, but on this particular day, the most unwelcome topic was brought up.
Kagari: I don't.
Azel: Not interested.
Matias: Then let me lend you my book.
Azel: Only Kagari can have it.
Kagari: No way. When it comes to this kind of story, Matias is uncontrollable.
Azel: Unfortunately, I'm allergic to romance.
Matias: Oh, is that so?
Azel: Yes, so—.......
Matias: Then let me read it aloud.
(…Hell just got even more hellish, give me a break)
Matias doesn't seem to want to back down and places the book in question on the table.
It was a very ordinary-looking book with no extravagance.
Matias: This book is so detailed in depicting the process of love's development that it's called the beginner's bible for romance.
Matias: I've read through it, and it's truly a treasure trove of information.
Matias: For example, there's a scene about a first date on page 32, and according to this bible—.....
While tuning out the rambling that has begun, I casually pull the book closer and flip through it.
(Ugh… what is this)
Just as Matias praised it, the content was a graphic depiction of the process of love.
There were many unnecessary parts for a story, and most of it was filled with idle chatter between the lovers.
Kagari: Was the allergy a lie?
Azel: It's not a lie. Look at these goosebumps.
Kagari: They certainly are real.
Azel: Matias might be yearning for love, but I'm the complete opposite.
Azel: Just hearing about love and romance makes me feel sick.
*remembering the past*
I recall the "love" preached to me that day with a merciful smile.
Just seeing the word makes me nauseous, and the aversion makes me dizzy to the point that I can't accept "love."
(Well, besides that crazy old geezer, there were plenty of people who preached about love with their crappy reasoning.)
(I wonder how Matias can believe in love so innocently…)
Matias: You're strange. There's no one who hates being loved, is there?
Azel: I'm a God, so maybe I'm different from humans.
Azel: … At the very least, I don't want to be loved by anyone, nor do I want to love anyone.
Azel: I know firsthand that love is a terrible thing.
I close the book and thrust it back at Matias.
There's no doubt that this is the kind of book I never want to open again.
Matias: There's no need to return it. This book is a present for you.
Azel: I don't want it, I refuse.
Matias: Don't say that. You might detest love and romance now, but you might change your mind.
Matias: Perhaps you'll meet your ideal princess in a scorching desert, on the verge of collapse, and after nursing her back to health, you'll become intimate—
Azel: Matias, please come back to reality.
Matias: Ahem. Anyway, it doesn't hurt to have a beginner's bible.
Matias: It covers everything from how to ask someone out on a date to how to handle relationships at night. You should study it diligently.
I can't help but glare at the book that Matias pushed back to me.
(Is it too much trouble to refuse?)
(Well, whatever. It's fine as long as I never open it.)
(Or… maybe I could sell it to Akatsuki.)
(I've had enough of being loved.)
-
(...Hm?)
Suddenly, I awaken to consciousness.
A landscape I've never seen before spreads out before me.
(Is this a rose garden? It's rather desolate for one, though.)
I've experienced the sensation of entering "someone else's dream" several times before.
I don't remember all of them, but I'm sure I've never met the owner of a dream with a rose garden.
(At least it's not the kind of dream someone from the desert would have.)
An oak table is placed where several paths intersect.
On top of it, there's a single book.
As I casually pick it up and follow the letters with my eyes, the story of the dream's owner vaguely flows into my mind.
Although it's an incomplete and fragmented story, the dream owner's "wish" is conveyed to me.
Azel: I see, I see…
Azel: How truly comical.
(A strong yearning for love… Are they the same kind of person as Matias?)
Someone approaches.
Glancing to the side, I see an unfamiliar woman standing there.
???: What is…?
Azel: I have some unfortunate news for you, who yearns for love and desires to know it.
Azel: Love isn't all that great.
Azel: Sometimes, it's better to live your life and die as the innocent, unknowing you that you are now.
(I don't intend to force my views on others, but…)
The woman looks genuinely kind; the type who would be the first to be taken advantage of by a swindler.
Precisely because I had that impression, the God, unusually, offered mercy.
Azel: I've seen the "love" of many people. Not in stories, but the raw, real love that exists in reality…
Azel: Many of them are people who believe they can do anything using "love" as an excuse.
Azel: It's a miserable thing, a human driven mad by love.
Azel: No matter how rational a person is, once they're driven mad by love, they can no longer live without it.
Azel: Like a curse.
(This woman who doesn't know love might become a different person if she does.)
(…I pray that won't happen.)
May the ugly curse of love not turn her into a beast—
The God, who can only pray, was as powerless as that day.
.
.
.
Chapter 1
If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)
#ikepri translations#ikemen prince translations#azel#azel radwan#azel radwan main route#ikemen prince azel radwan#azel radwan episode 0
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Honestly I am just insanely cusius about the fall out of Bakugou in two heroes and I need to know what happens next please. A drabble of that would be beautiful. I just finished my rereading it lol
Masaru Bakugou wasn’t stupid.
He knew that he had dropped the ball raising his son. Knew that his choice to be the voice of reason between the two hotheads that were Katsuki and his wife had not been enough to mitigate the damage that had already been done both in their home and outside it. Knew that, when it came down to it, he had failed not only Katsuki but Izuku as well.
(He remembered innocent green eyes looking up at him through a sheen of tears. “Why are they so mean, Uncle Saru?”
He hadn’t had an answer then, before it was his son causing that pain. He didn’t have one now either.)
The chime of the doorbell almost went unnoticed in the cacophony of the house. Katsuki and Mitsuki had been screaming at each other since they had left the police station. Masaru was certain the only reason that their car, any furniture too large to throw, and most of the house was intact at all was the quirk suppressing cuff clamped around Katsuki’s ankle. The same cuff that would remain there until Katsuki’s trial.
Pushing that thought away, Masaru walked through the swath of destruction his family left in their wake and opened the front door.
He wasn’t particularly surprised to see the mismatched trio of pro heroes on the other side of the door, but he still felt his stomach sink when he saw the rage in their eyes.
(Rage he understood. Rage he could feel in the pit of his own gut. Rage for a child that had almost died only hours ago at the hands of his son.)
“Bakugou-san. We would like to speak to you and your family about what is to be expected moving forward.” The principal of UA said with deceptive calm. Masaru didn’t fall for it. Not when the rage in the mammal’s eyes burned brighter than the explosions that had nearly cost him a student on live television.
Something shattered deeper in the house. Masaru’s eye twitched.
“Please, come in. Don’t bother removing your shoes.” Knowing Katsuki and Mitsuki, there could be broken glass anywhere at this point. "I would offer tea, but I'm sure you are all very busy." And he wasn't certain that any of their drink ware had survived the war going on behind him.
They didn't give any of the polite deferring that was expected of guests. Masaru couldn't blame them. He was clinging to years if ingrained manners with little more than his fingernails, and with each shout and crash from behind him his grip wavered. If anything the woman, Midnight, if Masaru remembered correctly from the packets that had been sent out when Katsuki had been accepted to UA, seemed to be trembling with barely contained rage.
She had been there, he suddenly remembered. She had been the closest to the field. It was her hands that had caught Izuku when both children had been knocked unconscious, leaving Katsuki to hit the dirt on his own.
(He was a terrible father, he knew. What else could it mean when he was grateful she hadn't caught his son.)
"We should speak to all three of you at once," Nezu's voice was soft compared to the carnage in the house, but it rattled Masaru all the more. He would have preferred him to scream. To roar at him like his own thoughts did for being so blind.
Masaru nodded, leading the three of them to the living room swerving around broken glass and shattered pieces of the life that had once filled their home.
Katsuki and Mitsuki were facing off around the couch. Both of them red faced as they screamed curses at each other. Masaru had grown so used to the noise he hadn't even noticed when he had led the heroes in. Neither of them so much as looked in their direction, so lost in their fury.
Something sparked in his chest. White hot and with all the force of one of Katsuki's explosions.
"Enough!" He roared it at them, cutting through their shouts with a single word.
(He had never raised his voice to either of them. Never in all the time Katsuki had been alive. Never since he met Mitsuki in high school. Both of them looked at him with slack expressions, struck dumb in their shock.)
"Enough," He repeated at a normal volume but the iron in his voice made them both blink. "Both of you, just, enough."
It struck him then that he couldn't offer Katsuki's teachers a place to sit. Even with the couch still mostly in tact, the glass from every picture once the walls and the small fiddly blown glass figures Masaru had so adored was scattered over every inch of their living room. Like a bomb had gone off in their home.
(Like they had raised the bomb that would destroy them.)
None of the heroes seemed like they were much inclined to sit anyway. Midnight dropped back to lean against the farthest wall from Katsuki while Aizawa, with Nezu on his shoulder, stood in the center of the room where the mammal could keep his dark eyes on all three of them at once.
"We have come to inform you that Bakugou Katsuki has been formally expelled from UA as the result of an assault on one of his fellow students," Nezu kept his voice soft, so terribly soft.
Katsuki, however, did not. "The fuck do you mean expelled you fucking rat! Deku fucking—!"
"Katsuki!" Masaru's voice cut through the argument as well as any explosion. "I said enough. You will listen to your… to the heroes, and you will do so silently." It was probably the shock that made Katsuki listen more than any respect for Masaru as his father. Masaru didn't much care as long as he was quiet.
From all Nezu reacted, it was like neither of them had spoken at all. "He will be expelled with a black mark on his record and a personal note from myself attached listing my… concerns should he be accepted into another heroics program. We take the safety of our students seriously at UA, and we know that all of our fellow schools across the world feel much the same."
It was as good as the death of the dream Katsuki had held since he was a toddler. A black mark from UA. A personal condemnation from Nezu. There was not a single hero school in all of Japan that would stand against that. Not a single one in the world if Masaru were to make a guess.
Not that he would have tried to look.
Masaru bowed, a perfect ninety degrees, and kept his voice on the shattered glass under his feet when he spoke, "Thank you for taking the time to inform us. With consideration to what happened, I had already decided to pull Katsuki out of UA, and was already looking for an online program unrelated to heroics that would take him in spite of his… rather televised faults." If he wasn't convicted of attempted murder, Masaru couldn't help but think as he caught sight of the quirk suppressing cuff around his son's ankle from his position.
"What?" It spoke to just how stunned Katsuki was that the word had come out as a strangled whisper rather than a roar.
Masaru straightened, not daring to look at his son when he spoke. Instead his eyes caught on a patch of wall brighter than the rest where a picture had once resided.
(Izuku's smiling face had once looked back from that picture, where they were clinging to their mother's arm. Katsuki and Mitsuki had both also been smiling for once. A rare moment of peace caught on camera now crumpled and shattered on their floor.
He wondered what it said about all of them. Surely nothing good.)
"I have been too lenient toward the problems in your behavior for too long, which resulted in another child being hurt. I refuse to make that mistake again. It is my greatest shame that it took me this long to see."
Out of the corner of his eye he could see Midnight's head dip in a nod. Confirmation and damnation in the movement. Her hands might have been the ones stained with Izuku's blood, but the ghost of that blood rested on Masaru's soul. He should have known, should have seen the warning signs, but he had not. Now he had to live with that failure for the rest of his life.
(It would be so easy not to. To run as far as he could. To leave nothing but signed divorce papers and a broken home full of rage and guilt behind him.
But Masaru had taken the easy route too much already, and he, frankly, didn't trust Mitsuki to keep Katsuki under control.)
He nodded back at Midnight, a message received and understood. "I apologize for the harm that Katsuki has done."
It wasn't enough, and he knew it.
It would never be enough.
Masaru had to say it all the same.
None of the heroes accepted the apology. None of them would lessen his guilt. None of them so much as bowed before showing themselves out of his home. Masaru was grateful for it, was grateful for the stunned silence that they left in their wake even more so.
#the elf talks#mha#bnha#two heroes au#the elf's birthday week bash#I cannot overstate how long the start of this has been in my docs okay#I'm gonna have to post at least this one and the 15 rules drabble to ao3 but that's a future lex job#also absolutely had to reread part of two heroes for this but didn't reread the whole thing so if i fucked up my own lore no i didn't
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I went into this movie completely blind apart from some YT shorts and boy HOWDY it has been a while since I have bawled so hard at a movie.
As it is, I think the movie is great! The worldbuilding was incredibly creative imo, the obstacles Ellian and her parents had to face were some of the coolest concepts I've seen. And after realizing that the theme of broken family trauma was the backdrop to the entire movie made each obstacle so much cooler.
The tunnel where the intention/emotion of their message changes whether the soundwave will help or harm them? The quicksand that only occurs in darkness?? The metaphors are metaphoring and I am gladly eating it UP
And the songs were pretty decent, hit or miss for a lot of them, but nothing wholly terrible for the most part (except that One Song, I agree with you there. I made it 10 seconds before I fastforwarded). What I loved in particular was "What About Me?" All throughout the movie I was hoping and praying that Ellian got to have an emotional breakdown because she deserved it!! And the song that accompanied it was pretty good too! The lyrics and the composition of the song really did it for me, and Rachel Zegler's delivery of it was pretty good imo. Defo will be listening to it in the future.
Honestly what really got me was Ellian's line "If you could fall out of love with each other, then you could fall out of love with me!" That plus the parents actively apologizing really did me in (though I would have preferred that scene to have been fully dialogue, but I digress)
Before I learned about the gripes people have with some of the VAs or one of the producers (ahem) most of the complaints I heard was about how the parents didn't get back together at the end, like a perfect happily ever after was in the cards for them?? After all that was in the movie?? I thought it was made pretty clear that the relationship Solon and Ellsmere had wasn't the healthiest (Ellian saying "You two are always like this!" during the quicksand scene was the real kicker for me), and the point of the movie is to show that unhealthy family dynamics have an incredibly negative impact on the children in said family, so doing whatever you can to alleviate those impacts will always be the best course of impact, even if that does mean separation or divorce, which is a good thing to show in children's media imo
I probably have more thoughts knocking up here in my noggin but it is almost 3am and I am Tired :")
Spellbound is NOT a bad movie, y'all just mean 😒
I hate John Lasseter as much as the next person but he just helped produce the movie, he didn't MAKE it himself. Also, this is a creative movie with an original idea, unlike Toy Story which is a Raggedy Ann knock off. Quit calling Spellbound a knock off of Disney musicals, just because it's an animated musical! It's NOT a knock off and it's not bad either. It's a beautiful story about how broken families can cause trauma for children and I can't expect so much heart and beauty from Disney nowadays. Disney went downhill after Elemental...
The songs were pretty cute, the one song was a little stupid but the majority of the songs were good. It wasn't as amazing as The Wild Robot, but it was still pretty cute. Like, not everything has to be amazing to be good! It had a beautiful story with a lot of symbolism to family trauma and growing up, plus the designs were really creative as well. It took place in a fantasy world and the designs they did for the creatures were really cute and creative. I also love that they tried their best to show diversity, despite it being a fantasy world (like different skin colors and everything, and no characters are stereotyped). I also like how they showed different body types and none of the characters are sexualized in any way. Apparently Princess Ellian, the main character, was supposed to be 15, and I thought she was 11 or 12 at first. To be honest, I like that they made her look younger for her age, it makes me feel better about myself (I'm an early bloomer who stopped aging LOL). It's not unrealistic expectations like how Disney designs some of the princesses.
The story is great, the music is okay, and I think this movie deserves a little better. Also, I don't wanna completely hate on Rachel Zegler either. Yeah, she seems stuck up and even though I agree with some things she said about that old Snow white movie, I also think she went to far and was disrespectful. I don't think she's ugly or talentless like a lot of other people say about her, she just doesn't fit for the role of Snow White. Even if you're outraged over her disrespecting an outdated Disney movie from your childhood or whatever, she is talented and pretty. Don't be too mean! I'm not really a fan of Rachel Zegler, I'm just saying that she did very good in this movie!
Anyway, tell me what you think! If you disagree, please let me know! If you're gonna hate on it before watching Spellbound, watch it and then tell me what you think!
#overall 8/10 movie#i enjoyed it#i cried to it#which is always a good sign in my book#so yeah this movie is now in my list of comfort movies#spellbound#spellbound netflix#spellbound 2024
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This is just me rambling, it's not a Ted talk are anything like that. It's just something I've been saying to myself after I open Twitter/ao3, Reddit and even here and see a lot of things that have been confusing me, it's just something I just want to get out the way. You can give your opinion I would highly appreciate it.
Something that I notice after seeing Jax fans on Twitter is that We exist in a timeline where fiction character who are well written terrible people like Jimmy from mouthwash, Griffith from berserk, AM from Ihamaim. Heck Micheal Myers from Halloween, William Afton from FNAF (there are evidence that I've seen that proves that William is not a broken character and I've seen it time and time again) and characters that are known to be pretty evil and have ignored the consequences of their actions being.
Having tons of fans that are against aus that a lot of terrible things that are happening to them even though in the original story, they deserve the things that are happening to them in a narrative bunch.
However when I go to check on these platform, I see a lot of people that hate the fact that these characters who know they did wrong are not suffering the consequences of their actions and prefer if they get of Scott free. Heck prefer if they seen a opposite/nice au of that said character.
However they are willing to draw the line with a character who is simply a middle school jerk. Ive pointed out aus where they treat Jax the opposite of how they treat these evil character, they are willing to lobotomize him, beat him up till he somehow dies, torture him until he does, heck find new creative ways to give him a fate worse then death because he was acting childish in the main show.
Is there something I'm not getting? Jax isn't the only one who is suffering a fate like this, there has been alot of characters who have suffered similar issues like Jax and use the same destructive outlet and to the surprise of no one has gotten that same taste from the fandom.
Here's another one, Jiji from dandandan has gotten recently a lot of hate... If you know the character and want to know why people hate him, it's because he's simply a corny teenager who happened to friends with one of the female protagonist as a child.
Thats it, thats why people hate him. It wasn't because he was a mass murder or anything evil. No he was being corny.
These are the same people that complain about not having a morally grey character over and over again on their fyp and when you present them with a morally grey character with a lot of nuisance and understandable reasoning, they get hated more than the characters that who have done evil and know the consequences of their actions and show no remorse.
And the curly situation with mouth washing... I'm not going to touch that yet with a 5 foot pole but
Why did you asked for it. Your asked for a character that you've shown to not be able to handle over and over again, I would recommend that you read other fictional novels to help understand morally grey character. Cause you know what's surprising? All typea of character archetypes, pure evil, morally questionable evil, morally grey character and saints of all kinds have been existing for over 60 years.
Getting on track.
You know. If you think about it, character like Jax, Jiji from dandandan and a lot of character that you can find similarities are all compatible to regular people. If you understand the full content of what your reading, the setting, the plot, the characters and why they are like that. They aren't saints, and they are not monsters, just people with insecurities who are trying to live their best life or make the most out of their situation.
If you ask me why people are like this? I would say that somewhere down the lines. Media litteracy is dwindling for fantasy that the author never intended. People who simply see the character desgin of Jax. Thinking that its a cute little humanized rubber hose rabbit, knowing full well that it's a human being trapped in a digital avatar with no way to go home and being surprised that he acts as a human being and not another helluva Boss/Hazbin hotel character.
(Personal note I do not associate Jax with one of those twinks you find there. His design/gimmick is based of a rubber hose/looney tune character you find in the golden age of animation. Heck he acts nearly one to one with daily duck, just a lot more nuisances and stuff)
Jiji got the same reputation for a lesser Miner degree of being a corny teenager. Season 2 isnt out yet and I don't feel like spoiling it for people who wanna watch it. I fear that it's going to get worse for Jiji. Which is why Im asking to please revive media litteracy and common sense when we talking about characters that are morally grey.
You are free to do what ever you want, I can't stop or change your choice. What I'm saying is something that I've been seeing time and time again and thinking about it, it makes no sense for it to be the case where theirs a lot of characters who do deserve that.
This is just me rambling
#tadc jax#the amazing digital circus jax#jax#dandadan jiji#dandandan#jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing#griffith#berserk#micheal myers#evil characters#mischaracterization#x#twitter#tumblr#reddit#rambles#tadc#the amazing digital circus#morally grey characters#fandom#captain curly#curly mouthwashing
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GONNA THROW UP GINNA HAVE A OANIC ATTACK GONNA COMBUST
#personal#i got a job offer#and for what it is the money woulld genuinely be really helpful#i would have to put in my two weks at [redacted]#and i am not terribly broken up about that#but i feel bad feel anxious#and more distressingly - it’s a cobtract that goes until november#but i’ve been applying to gard school#and won’t hear back until. march or april or even may#and if i got in i would start august and wouldn’t be able to do both#bc it’s full time#until november#i texted her explaining this and asked if there was any flexibility with the end dated but i doubt it#and if there’s not then i have to say no#but if i say no and then get into none of the schools im going to fuckinv hate myself#tbc - i did not apply for this knowing all the conflicts lmao#i didn’t apply at all#a supervisor with a company i’ve worked with a couple of times rrached out and said she thought the role would be good for me
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By the skin of your teeth (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#DAX#ZEX#Pyramid Head#The Captain#Blood#The cuts themselves are just black and white because I'm controlling myself lol - clearly not That much with the rest but hey!#Still it is a very nasty cut for how nonchalantly I've drawn them all haha - ZEX's back too he's just facing forward#I also momentarily forgot that he was in his uniform it's fine don't worry about it lol#All these speculations on where and how about the injuries and then just - What Uniform That I Am Enamoured By? Haha#I've done the same thing with DAX I keep forgetting about his poor ankle and then it comes up and I'm like ''Oh yeah haha I knew that''#How are some details so sticky and others so smoke-like! Some stay in my brain and others - pffbtl how silly#All the same it's still the Funnest Fun <3#There's something so Extra delightful to have Seen a setpiece - an object - an idea - and then get to interact with it <3 <3#Hitting Pyramid Head with Zelnick's frying pan! Forget PH I can't believe we had the budget for the skillet's appearance fee ♪♫ Hehehe#No but honestly Pyramid Head was incredible ✨ Wonderfully scary and distressing and tense and full of fallout! Terrible things!! ♪♫#I've never drawn him before so it was interesting! :0 His appearance in SH2 looks all squished#Like his belly is jutting out across from a broken spine! Quite spooky#I don't think I fully managed to capture that - kinda just looks like his hip bones are very prominent hehe - but maybe some other time :)#I hope they don't run into him again - for their sake tho haha ♪#DAX continually pulling ZEX behind him to try and protect him (and failing) was something I really Had to put to paper <3#As well as snuggles!! Even before they got Really hurt I was like Oh everyone needs hugs so bad :'0 And they do!! They need so many hugs!#Maybe especially Zelnick poor Captain :'0 Give this boy a break#The injuries are more of a self-guide hehe I'm not sure how accurate they are - they Feel accurate based on handedness et al#I was the least sure for Zelnick since he got tossed (poor thing!) but at least bruises are always fun to draw hehe#The return of my rainbow bruises lol - I only use three colours they're just so vibrant!#DAX trying so~ hard not to be taken in hehe what could these feelings be! Familiarly repressed? No surely not ♪#Be nice ♫
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#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad#bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young#and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder#but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small#and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible#grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing#and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is#probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a#fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong#with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality#and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever#as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun#its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to#read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like#yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess#i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she#clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate#unrelated
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i have so many thoughts about gohan and goten its kind of unreal
#and what am i gonna do... write about it? get serious#what can i say i love siblings in media :(#gohan who hardly got a childhood and spent it solely around people twice his age and maturing way faster#than he should have and then his dad dies (again) and he has to take care of his mom and his new baby brother#and he is 10!#and goten who got to experience peace thanks to his mystical legendary warrior of a dad and everyone tells him he looks like him and#how amazing and great he was and all he grows up seeing is the damage done to his family and then BOOM he just. comes back.#and listen i love goku okay im not a goku is a terrible father believer. he loves his family. but hes not a good dad by any means#gohan is trying to grow up while taking care of his mom and making sure his little brother never has to go through anything like he did#and at least goten has trunks! the only same aged friend gohan gets is dende and thats only because#hes off on a space mission at SIX YEARS OLD??? and then he gets his fucking neck broken and almost DIES#i could keep going.
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im home and already swallowed by despair. can you believe i was in CHICAGO a few hours ago. and now im here. lol
#i know i know. and i need to let the anguish motivate me to get out of here. but it feels like i dreamed it all#purrs#chicago#i had a rough time getting out of the hotel and through the airport to my gate and also im bad at math so i fucked up the calculation about#when my flight lands bc of the time zone change and i gave my parents the time in central time not eastern time so my dad was waiting for m#for like a half hour and texting me and i wasn’t answering bc i was still in the air and he was pissed at me and snarky in my texts with hi#and i was sitting there on the plane and could just feel his words ripping into me and the horrors rushing back in and i still haven’t#recovered from it honestly. it wasn’t that big of a deal he just said something that i misunderstood as him saying he was giving up waiting#for me and going home bc id already wasted his time and even though that was not what he actually said it just kinda burrowed into me that#my parents were mad at me and were probably also mad at me for not communicating with them AT ALL the entire time i was in chicago. and it#just was eating me alive. im home now and we haven’t talked about it but they did say things disapproving of the fact that i did a lot of#stuff by myself which i probably shouldn’t have told them. idk. it’s not even that bad i just am torn apart by their rejection of me and#utter inability to just like be happy for me without criticizing some part of it or restraining me. plus the house is just as much of a#biohazard as it was when i left and all the broken things are still broken and it’s like. a lot. i miss the hotel LOL#i think im just sleep deprived and not in my head right today but i do not want to be here. sinking in quicksand unable to breathe. but i#have to be the one to get me out of it and i should have learned how in chicago but i didn’t it was just a break and now im stuck again#delete later#kind of terrible that instead of being so proud and happy about what i did my immediate reaction is to be miserable that im home now lol
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I've been playing the new cotl update and I generally like it but god do I fucking hate like all of the balance changes just let things be strong man
#rat rambles#like Im ok with the dice relics getting nerfed because they were pretty rediculous before#but making them fragile relics is absolutely terrible and unacceptable#I dont wanna be mean abt it but like time and time again theyve nerfed things way too fucking hard and only some of them get unfucked#like I am not even slightly exaggerating when I say this one change has made all of the dice the worst relics in the game#making them a one time use just completely fucked up the balance of them especially when theres other relics that are also deeply powerful#for getting health And are good damage dealers#it also showcases that they do not understand just how bad most of the fragile relics already are#like genuinely I am baffled by this decision its been making this update so much harder to enjoy#also apparently they massively lowered the level cap which? sucks so fucking bad?#like there's ways to let things be strong without being overpowered#like literally just make it harder to level up followers as they get to the stupid high levels thatd be a much better way to go about it#because lemme tell you its obnoxious to go out of your way to pour that much attention into a follower but rewarding#and for the dice and similarly broken relics just add an extra slow charge speed#you can throw kalamars ear into that pile too along with the bomb one since it's never worth picking up as a fragile relic#like I do genuinely like this new update and what it adds so far its just that the actual yknow gameplay got a smidge bit worse#and since I like the combat in this game any negative changes on it hit much harder than most quality of life stuff#also for the actual new content I do like it but I do hope this is the last big content update at least for a while#I worry abt the game becoming too crowded with mechanics to the point it stops feeling like a coherent game#and to be clear in my personal opinion this update is already bluring the lines of those fronts#again I do genuinely rly like this update it just makes me worry abt the future of this game#I hope if they do make another larger update they focus more on expanding upon already existing mechanics instead of making new ones#like I think sin could rly use more things to do with it#like with how many ways there are to generate it its strange that almost all of the things you do with it are cosmetic#although tbf I havent been dungeoning much today so maybe theres some hidden stuff to use sin for there lol#also one huge thing that Im confused by is the choice to put the sewing building on the first tier of the inspiration tree#cause it uses silk. aka the stuff from the last dungeon most players unlock#I feel like itd be more appropriate to put it as an ofbranch of the housing tree#so basically my review of this update is that its fun and I like the new mechanics but they do feel a bit half baked#and Im not a fan of the balance changes and Im also not a fan of the gun but thats more of a me problem
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whenever i think/talk abt a "you" it's at least 5 different people usually
#ive been thinking about how you separated the star of david into triangles and taught me about the equilibrium about as above so below#are we in equilibrium? ive been thinking about the star of david and the rest in peace beneath it#fuck the fascists and fuck how they took you and fuck how theyll take everyone. am i good at analysis?#it turns out weve all been lying a lot. it turns out the person weve all lied the most to was ourselves.#ive been thinking about your 5 journals and a whole week of crying just to realise our sin. you felt like a nucleus inside a fuzz of#electrons and i felt like the fuzz of electrons. we caught a ribbon and followed it past the point of discomfort#this is how you breathe so that you dont die and this is how you breathe so that you do. on your own terms.#i am going to be a good architect. i am going to be a good engineer. i am going to be a good neuroscientist. i am going to be good.#i reserve the label for being a let-go-of-labels person. i am going to be the one who lets go of identifiers#and make it my identity. how do you achieve constant bliss? separate the nucleus and the fuzz.#suffering from the impact of the self and the self-image، you told me about the bliss of separation.#okay. let them hate the cloud. youre inside of it all. i am nothing. this is not a label for the self. mereology is a lovely thing.#baby you are ripping through all these spiderwebs just to live. this is part of the normal developmental process. i am surrounded by people#who throw sums of millions out of their mouths like any other lovely word. i cant stand the thought of your loss#except only in theory. ive been thinking about the bird with the broken wing in florence and how we stood around it until#two friends picked it up and took it home in hopes of nursing him back to flight. ive been thinking about how we are designed to care#for each other. tomorrow you will have your dreams crushed. the day after you will keep going. we are sharing#in the wonders of being perceiving beings. isnt that enough? why do you need to perceive the monstrosity of your own soul? is it#because i love you? is it because you love yourself? you love yourself enough to allow yourself to feel the terrible corners of you.#you can finally stand on your own. you can only stumble forward until you walk for the first time.
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I always look forward to when you write... Well, anything! :) You're always so thoughtful and thorough. I have a lot more to admire about you but very little time to express it, so I'll just say thanks for writing with me and I genuinely enjoy your character. ❤️
Please tell me your favorite things about my portrayal/muse?
Thank you so much, halekulan-i! You might only have had a little time but this meant so much to me, how thoughtful your message was and that you took the time out of your day to send it. Thank you for writing with me and sharing your wonderful Harvey (and Two-Face) with us all; not just that, but also for jumping on the two bagels thing which started off how our two (or three?) started interacting??? I'm so glad you enjoy Khare and I hope she continues to bring you joy!
#halekulan-i#memes ;; what's your favourite thing about my muse?#Thank you again for sending this!#Your interactions with Khare have brought me so much happiness and Harvey gosh#He is wonderful like yes he's done terrible things but he's done some incredible things too and the whole two bagels thing was so funny#I'm glad you enjoyed it too#Harvey though he is a GEM#He brought to Khare's attention just how fucked up her housing situation was#She was in a very bad place like she didn't even know it was so bad she was just glad to have a roof over her head#And Harvey was just one of a few guys who actually have a damn and looked into doing something about it#Something which not many people would have done because why worry about a sketchy landlord when there's killer clowns on the loose?#Harvey cared and Khare was fucking devastated when she learned about the acid attack#Sending him those cheapass flowers bc it was all she could afford#ANYWAYS UM#Really appreciate you sending this and for being so very thoughtful thank you#I hope you continue enjoying this girl because I am sure as hell am enjoying your Harvey + Two-Face!#My heart for this tragically broken man#And his wife aka ex-wife Gilda she is a queen#We can't forget her
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huh. having now understood reaching my target audience of one i think i now get why certain artists have gone batshit, and its because no matter their audience size or how explicitly they state things, no one gets what theyre actually saying
#crazy=genius is the primary example that comes to mind#like. the immediate association there is that its bragging#and maybe to some degree it is‚ that doesnt discount the rest of what im going to say#but like. the order of words there is very important. its not 'it genius = crazy then im insane because im sososo smart'#its 'if crazy = genius then im albert einstein‚ because i am going fucking insane'#its not bragging‚ its bravado. there is a crucial difference between the two.#its a cry for help wrapped in enough arrogance to ensure plausible deniability#and we all just. brushed him off. me included#it's sebastian all over again#if no one takes what you say seriously then you can say your most serious thoughts and have no one blink an eye#and brush it off as yeah yeah emo boy we all had a bad time in highschool.#ajr too im legitimately tempted to see if they have a public email that i can write and send a full analysis to#theyre all just saying it. these people are all so lonely and surrounded by people who see them as a commodity#can you imagine being surrounded by thousands of people who know the words to your songs by heart and didn't understand a single one#sending out flare after flare saying 'this is not a bit i am crumbling to pieces and need help' and having articles written#about how its just music and doesnt mean anything and youre a terrible person#its just for the bit‚ its just to pull your heartstrings to make it hit harder‚ its just art. its doesnt mean anything. right?#nevermind that theres a reason they know which strings to pull. nevermind that none of those are mutually exclusive. nevermind how#directly they say that that is not the case in the song. it doesnt mean anything. it cant. because if it does and if theyre all telling the#truth about how fucked up they are then ding ding ding it seems yet again society is broken#and its easier to say it doesnt mean anything than to face the scale of the everything of it all#origibberish#yknow what come to think of it i think using specifically 'crazy' is also deliberate plausible deniability as just being an asshole too#like 'oh well if you were aaaaactually going through a mental health crisis then you would use more respectful language'#much to consider much to consider
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#the heat index is 101F and our ac has been broken for the past three weeks at work#I worked an 8 hour shift I’m exhuasted + I’m sure I have heat exhaustion (again 🙃)#and like my cheap asshole father comes to pick me up with no ac on in the car 🫠#he argues all the goddamn time that the ac uses up so much gas and that wastes money and okay whatever that’s stupid#like do you want me to just fucking pass out in the passenger seat?#and he’s mad at me cause I may have snapped#but like again 101F outside no ac at work and I’ve had heat exhaustion every day for the past three fucking weeks#it’s literally a two minute drive home#but yeah I’m not worth two mins of ac#he has been extra nasty and having extra attitude and I’m fucking done#when I’m home I literally don’t leave my room anymore#dad’s also treating mom like shit which is like#I have issues with her too but idk what his fucking problem is anymore#and then she makes her problems everyone’s problems#so they’re acting like I need to fix how they treat each other#they should’ve got fucking divorced years ago#I keep telling them to go to fucking marriage counseling or something but nope#the thing is despite being shitty they are both still my parents and it is hard to hear them talk about each other that way#hence why I’m like begging them to either divorce or get counseling#but nah then they just turn it back on me and I’m terrible cause I don’t want to help them work through their problems 🫠#sometimes I think they literally had a kid so they could just blame everything wrong with them/their lives on me#I leave for vacation in like a week-ish and oh boy I cannot tell you how relieved I am to be getting away from them for a bit#I’m sure it’ll be a shit show when I get back but that’s a problem for later me#I just need a fucking break from the shit I put up with at work and the shit I put up with at home
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On The Mend : ̗̀➛ Oscar Piastri
summary: with your lack of presence in the paddock, fans are starting to worry, little do they know that you happen to be a little broken back at home
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liked by landonorris, danielricciardo and 849,183 others
oscarpiastri: another successful week of racing, super proud of the whole team to get the car all the way to P2 this weekend 🏆🏎️
35,058 comments
username1: congratulations oscar, such an awesome drive!!
username2: just a shame that yn wasn’t there to see it once again 🙄
landonorris: so proud of you osc 😭😭😭
username3: surely they can’t still be together, she hasn’t shown her face in weeks…
charles_leclerc: mum is very proud that the two of us were on the podium btw
oscarpiastri: @/charles_leclerc it was all thanks to her pep talk ofc
username4: we’ll still support you osc even if yn won’t
mclaren: the whole team is so proud of you, congratulations oscar!
username5: enjoy the celebrations, I’m sure the team will be there for you at least 🥲
danielricciardo: congrats brother, always nice to see you repping for down under
username6: either something must be seriously wrong or yn really just doesn’t care anymore 😭
maxverstappen1: hell of a drive from you, great to see you back where you belong!
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ynusername posted two private stories
replies
georgerussell63: thanks for reminding everyone I got a penalty yn 😂😂
oscarpiastri: make sure you’re resting, you don’t need to worry about the race sweetheart!!
ynusername: I’ve never missed a race of yours 😩
danielricciardo: why tf are you in hospital and why didn’t you tell me immediately so that I could help!!
nicolepiastri: sending you lots of love sweetheart, sorry we can’t be there to help you 💕
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oscarpiastri: I promise to sneak you in loads of snacks as soon as I’m there 💞
lilymhe: I miss you so much, hope you’re recovering well girlie
landonorris: he’s on the first flight outta here straight back to you 🧡
carmenmmundt: sending you all the healing vibes in the world ❤️
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liked by charles_leclerc, logansargeant and 812,948 others
oscarpiastri: wish me luck on the flight, some weird passenger keeps looking over their shoulder at me 👀
36,950 comments
username7: that poor pilot having to drive these two home lmao
danielricciardo: now you get to experience my struggle before you came along 😭
oscarpiastri: @/danielricciardo idk how you ever did it 🤦🏻
username8: at least oscar has lando to celebrate with even though others have abandoned him
alex_albon: why else do you think we offered to take you home on our plane instead?! 😂
username9: i wonder if he's going home to yn being there or not
charles_leclerc: you're incredibly brave volunteering to travel home with him 👏🏻
username10: yn should be there with him, i really hope that they're okay
username11: what would we do without these two in our lives!?
maxverstappen1: we tried to talk you out of it but you didn't listen 🤷🏻
username 12: i love how all the boys are exposing lando as a terrible travel partner hahah
landonorris: stop trying to make it sound like we're not bffs osc 💔
oscarpiastri: @/landonorris that's because we're definitely not best friends
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liked by landonorris, alex_albon and 793,722 others
oscarpiastri: seeing as some people want to make it their business, we thought we’d share why yn hasn’t been around recently. a couple of weeks ago she had a nasty fall at home which resulted in a broken leg. yesterday I finally got to bring her home and begin helping her with recovery…just call me doctor piastri from now on 🧑🏻⚕️💞
57,492 comments
username13: i hope all you losers who thought they broke up are proud of yourselves 🙄
landonorris: you guys know where i am if you need anything!!
georgerussel63: we love you yn, make sure you get plenty of rest ❤️❤️❤️
username14: sending you so much love yn, get plenty of rest
ynusername: apologies in advance for the lack of sleep you're about to get because of me 😂
oscarpiastri: @/ynusername as long as you're healing idc 🥹
username15: can't believe some of you were so stupid to ever think they'd actually break up
alex_albon: glad to see you're back at home where you belong yn
danielricciardo: do i even want to ask how she managed to break her leg??
oscarpiastri: @/danielricciardo if I told you I don't think you'd believe me 😂
username16: poor oscar looks exhausted having to drive and take care of yn too
charles_leclerc: pls tell me I get to sign the cast ✍️
ynusername: @/charles_leclerc i'll save a spot just for you
username17: please make sure you take care of yourself yn and ignore what everyone has to say
carmenmmundt: sending you so many healing vibes yn, we miss you at the paddock
username18: during a time when they need privacy and instead they've been hounded by nosey idiots 🤦🏻
maxverstappen1: can't wait to see all the doctor piastri content from you! 😂
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liked by georgerussell63, carlossainz55 and 682,058 others
oscarpiastri: the only way to get her out of the house atm is to bribe her with coffee ☕️
63,957 comments
username19: it's adorable how much oscar cares about her 🥰
lilymhe: tell her im omw with coffee as we speak to get her out again!
username20: it's so good to see yn back up on her feet and moving around again 🤩
alex_albon: i actually forgot what yn looked like stood upright for a moment
username21: why does it feel like oscar is one of those partners who is constantly checking on her making sure she's doing her exercises and following every single bit of advice
maxverstappen1: yn's injury is really making you look like the doting boyfriend rn ❤️
danielricciardo: if yn ever gets bored of being entertained on a walk by you, you know where i am!
username22: i bet yn can't wait for race weekend again to get rid of the nagging doctor 😂
landonorris: wish you looked after me as well as you look after yn
oscarpiastri: @/landonorris just a shame that we're not dating then really huh?!
username23: anyone else noticed how many drivers have been round this week to take yn out and make sure she's staying active too
username24: @/username23 i think she might just be the most popular wag on the grid
ynusername: i hate you but i love you at the same time these days 💞
oscarpiastri: @/ynusername if the doctor says you keep moving, it's my job to make you move 😂
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liked by landonorris, carmenmmundt and 59,491 others
ynusername: I always knew oscar was secretly boyfriend coded but damn having him look after me is making me fancy him all over again 🔥
12,056 comments
username25: i think i might've just fallen in love with him all over again too 😍
alexandrasaintmleux: make the most of all of the attention you're getting girl
ynusername: @/alexandrasaintmleux oh I am, he doesn't let me lift a finger 😘
username26: soft, doctor boyfriend oscar might just be my new favourite thing
charles_leclerc: if i see many more of these posts from you i might just need a sick bucket 🤮
username27: yn you really are the luckiest having this guy in your life
carlossainz55: i always knew he was a softie deep down 🥺
oscarpiastri: you know i'd do anything as long as it meant getting you better again
ynusername: @/oscarpiastri you're an angel in disguise i swear
username28: i'd break my leg too if it meant oscar piastri was there to look after me 😂
username29: it melts my heart to see how caring oscar has been over the past few weeks
danielricciardo: even i found myself getting a bit excited when i saw these photos yn
username30: everyone needs an oscar piastri in their life
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ynusername posted two stories
replies
landonorris: you're ruining oscar's image with every post you share these days 😂
oscarpiastri: there's nowhere else that I'd rather be
ynusername: we'll pretend you didn't complain that it wasn't race weekend first thing this morning shall we???
carmenmmundt: hope it's good news, lemme know how you get on!!
alex_albon: praying for you and hoping that it's the beginning of the end now 💕
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danielricciardo: thinking of you guys, tell the doctor if he doesn't give you good news i'll break his leg 💞
ynusername: something tells me you might find a few challenges in doing that hahah
georgerussell63: you're so strong yn, just remember we love you
charles_leclerc: the whole family is hoping for good news for you and oscar ❤️
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liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 70,238 others
ynusername: the moment i've waited for for so long, back in my second home of the garage and back supporting my love during race weekend
14,592 comments
username31: make sure you keep taking care of yourself yn!! 💕
oscarpiastri: cannot begin to tell you how happy i am to have you back with me again ☺️
ynusername: @/oscarpiastri the best feeling in the world being able to cheer you on again
danielricciardo: ik just how much this means to you, welcome back to us yn
username32: it's so good to see you right back where you belong again
username33: it feels like you've never been away, I'm so happy for you guys 🥹
charles_leclerc: on the mend at last, i hope you know just how many people can't wait to welcome you back this weekend
username34: we love our favourite #81 fan 🧡
iamrebeccad: i am hurrying over to that mclaren garage as fast as i possibly can rn ‼️
username35: so happy to see you back on your feet and back with our favourite duo again
username36: this is the content we've been waiting for, it's so good to see you back
landonorris: as much as i hate having to share oscar again, it's a joy to have you back 🙃
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˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗
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